The conversation surrounding parents and child education has been a hot topic in recent weeks. While many kids have had to learn about the birds and the bees through television, social media, and, worst, each other, some parents make sure that they are the ones to school their kids on intimacy. Jim Jones and Mama Jones recently went viral after the Harlem MC told Angela Yee that his mother taught him how to kiss. Now Jada Pinkett Smith is opening up on the education she got from her grandmother at an early age. With all the talk surrounding Mama Jones’ “methods” of educating her son, a recent clip from Red Tabl Talk has resurfaced of Jada sharing a similar story. While discussing self-pleasure with her mother and daughter, Jada explained that her grandmother wanted her to understand that while you can enjoy a man, it is important to remember that pleasure comes from you.
“My grandmother taught me about self-pleasuring because she wanted me to know that that pleasure was from me. She didn’t want me to fall into the hands of a man, and if he gave me pleasure to think that that was him.” Jada then said that her grandmother instilled this in her at nine years old. While nine seems a little early for an education on intimacy, it is important to note that Jada was not explicit in her definition of self-pleasuring. In truth, understanding your ability to please and take care of yourself is something you can learn at any age and is a valuable life too. Unfortunately, as we see these days, so many people are reliant on outside things for validation. A partner, social media, and material possessions often take the place of self-validation.
The conversation followed an admission from Jada’s mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris, about her first experience with a man was painful. “Mine wasn’t. It actually was like, ‘Okaaaaaaay.’ But I also came into it differently,” Jada recalls. She attributed this to her having a deeper understanding of her pleasure and what she liked, thanks to grandma’s advice.
For Banfield-Norris, this confession was bittersweet. While she was happy that her mother had been helpful to her daughter Jada, she was not able to take advantage of that same advice. Adrienne’s mother was a lot more strict while raising her, teaching her that boys were “dirty.” Unfortunately, this miseducation led to Banfield-Norris experimenting early and having Jada while still in high school. Clearly, this experience changed grandma’s perspective, and she took a different approach with granddaughter Jada.
During the talk, Willow Smith and her friend, 21-year-old Telana Lynum, joined them. A good part of the conversation focused on Lynum’s inexperience with adding toys into the equation, something Jada expressed was crucial to her development and education in self-pleasure. For Jada, incorporating them was instrumental in her understanding what she wanted and what she expected from her partners. Lynum expressed some hesitancy towards experimenting in that way. Jada reassured her, saying, “I was in an exploration state, and I was abstaining from men.” She also cautioned her about how addictive it can be, explaining that the key is balance.
